What am I to think about these feelings?
What am I to feel about these thoughts?
Do I go with my emotion, or do I think everything through?
How do I determine to which side I must be true?
One of my fathers leads me by the hand as always, but for the first time, I notice that I have more fingers than he. I turn to look at his familiar face, but I am aware, as never before, how much larger his eyes are than mine. He asks me how I am, but his lips never move. Today, I understand that we are different.
This makes me afraid. I feel empty inside; I have these feelings I know he has never been able to perceive. Today they are stronger than ever before.
In my mind, I rush to the place I visit in my dreams. I want to be there now–safe in the arms of the one who looks like me, the one who understands my feelings, the one who fills me with love. My father stops and listens to my thoughts more closely. Today, for some unknown reason he seems to comprehend my fear.
“Come,” my father announces, and we enter a place I have never been before: the room of the “New Ones.” He carries me past rows of tiny boxes. “These are you newest brothers and sisters,” Father explains. They sleep soundly–hundreds of aisles, babies of many different colors. As I count fingers and toes I notice that some of them look like Father, but more of them look like me.
Where do we come from, and why are we all so different? So many questions fill my mind I become dizzy and confused. Father observes my thoughts with heightened concentration. He merges his consciousness with mine to better understand, but as much as he desires to, with all his mental power he cannot feel my emotions.
He hastily directs me to another room that has always been private. A vibration surrounds us, and I am lost in a sea of blackness. Memories ebb and flow through me–memories of the one in my dreams. My questions are answered as quickly as they form. I see a planet with a blue atmosphere, clouds swirling round and round. There are millions of others like myself all sharing emotion, but not sharing thought… How strange!
But something is terribly wrong. Due to ignorant choices made by these people called humans, their planet is polluted and dying. I understand that I cannot be with those whom I am most like because I would be in danger there.
Although I feel sad about this possible future of the planet called Earth, I see how fortunate I am to be the first of a new species: one that will combine the power of emotion with the wisdom required to explore its potential without being controlled by it. Time and space pulsate through me; I am anxious but excited. My father is beside me… observing. It is obvious that we are taking a trip!
The motion slows. My heart beats in anticipation. A moment later a door appears in the darkness, and we enter a room filled with adult humans and other children like me. I am instantly flooded with all the joy in the universe at once, as my eyes fall upon the one in my dreams.
“This is your mother,” Father whispers.
Featured art by Ana Bagayan.
From “Contact Cards: An Extraterrestrial Divination System” by Darryl Anka and Kim Carlsberg (1996)